wolven [Profile] 2012/11/18 - 9:31:2
urgh... proportions not quite right I know. once more I'll post the chapter on the next comment. or half of it cuz i think it's quite long.
wolven [Profile] 2012/11/18 - 10:39:55
The snow was falling in throes, and with every volley of the flake-like spears, one could tell that ten more would come shortly. Cane had been digging since early that morning, as was his routine.
At last, he impaled the ground with his spade, the curve of the silver-like metal set deep down into the ground, though it would soon be stuck. Cane wiped his forehead and leant on the handle of the spade, crooked as it was. He paused to take a breather, and he looked at the river, where parts of it had frozen, and with the frost, they formed mirror-like sheens.
Cane picked up such a slate of ice and looked at his reflection. His eyes gleamed back at him, dark red with scarlet irises. His face was long and angular, with defined cheekbones, and like his entire race he had blue skin. Thos in the east had very dark shades of blue, whilst his was a very light navy, for he lived in forests and mountains and in the Starfields to the east of Riverhead. His hair was a light grey, with a sheen that made it like silver, and it drove backwards to a point so his head looked oddly disproportionate to his body, but he liked the look.
Cane was well built, after many long years of digging graves and burying bodies in this region, and he had acquired a decent height. He had a number of muscles that which humans did not, and he knew quite a few. He rarely wore a top, preferring to get down to work, and he did not care who saw him or who did not, but he always wore the same ragged trousers and foot wraps whilst others of his race would wear exquisite dresses or robes with comfortable boots, or in the cases of females, they often adorned their feet with odd heel extensions, which puzzled him more than he would ever dare to admit.
He ran his fingers through his hair, and tried to flatten it for a moment, bracing it over his eyes, enjoying their coolness against his bloodshot eyes. When he released his hair, it sprang straight back to its arrow-like position, flicking his ears as they did so. His ears were bat-like, with a rounded lobe, and they curved backwards, going into a point well behind that of humans. They were also considerably larger.
He sighed and removed his spade from the dirt, fearing it might freeze in place, then he would be in some serious trouble with the village elder, and his step-father at that. He set to work with one of his make-shift winches, which was really just a few fishing rods, without their string, and replaced with leather straps and buckles. He set the straps on the ground, and went into the temple, to get the coffin, and therefore the corpse. This particular victim was killed in a bandit raid, and whilst getting his family to safety, rather trying to, the elf was shot in the back by a piercing arrow.
Unlike the Southern lands of Alagasia, Ignitia was a place absolutely teeming with danger and mysteries, and on that matter, it was home to a number of different creatures. The Snow elves, Canes race, or as they preferred to be known at the time- the Krosnia, were the first to really settle in this land. Then came an assortment of others; including men and the Snow elves’ cousins, the Dark elves, who were said to reside in mountains, doing the bidding of whatever foul demons they worshipped in the deep places of the earth.
Cane dragged the coffin out of the temple and set it on the winch’s leather straps, before buckling them to the fishing rods. With a series of pulls, twists, falls and ties, He eventually managed to lower the coffin into the grave, just before the rods snapped, and the remains of them sprang back and hit Cane across the forehead.
He grumbled as he pulled himself back up, hearing what seemed to be thunder in the sky, and a great shadow passed over him. Soon came the unmistakeable sound of a Dragon’s wing-beat, which began to push him to the point of losing balance, before an almighty quake of the earth made him fall over, and land on the coffin, making an ugly dent in the wood.
“Rrgh.” He grunted, climbing out of the grave and looking northwards, in front of the temple, in his little field of the dead.
A massive Golden Dragon had landed, and now lay sprawled on the grass, moving it’s foremost paw for it’s rider to climb off the saddle attached around it’s chest. The seat itself was at an arc with the dragon’s neck, and was held in place by the horns that snaked their way down the spine of the dragon, from the head to the tail. Two massive horns adorned it’s great triangular head, each piercing the air like spears pointing backwards, away from it’s head. A strange tuft grew out of its lower jaw, and from the top jaw, curling downwards were two large ivory canines. The Dragon was large, muscular and proud in some ways, and its scales seemed to radiate the golden light of the sun itself, though rarely seen down at Cane’s neck of the woods.
The Dragon’s rider dismounted and strode over to meet Cane. The rider walked slowly, and wore a helm and cuirass which, similarly to the overlapping nature of the dragon’s scales, so then did the plates of the cuirass overlap, creating an impenetrable hide. The helm appeared to be made out of steel, but it had a strange Dragon reverse embossed into the helm, so the dragon head covered the nose, and it was like a small one was in fact nestled safely on the steel.
“Cane, m’boy. It’s been too long.”
Cane grinned and uprooted his Spade again, and hoisted it over his shoulder as a guard would a spear. He knew this Rider as Oriel. He was an old man, roughly seventy years of age, but that did not stop him at all.
“Master Oriel, what brings you to my little dead-end street of the underworld?” Cane said, still walking to meet the man.
“Business, m’boy; Business.” The old man said, then at last the two of them embraced, patting each other on the back, before releasing, and the rider grasped the elf by the arms, “But its damn good to see you boy.”
The two of them chuckled as they met, and the rider laid his left hand on the pommel of his sword, which was sheathed by his side.
“Really, you shouldn’t be out here in the wilderness, Cane, you should be out there, enjoying life.”
“I do enjoy what I have, even if it’s not that much. I get peace, honest work, and very few distractions. Mind,” At this, his expression turned to a slight glare, “I hate the idea of cities. They’re too compact for my liking, so many people all hurled into the one place.”
“You haven’t changed a bit. Maybe it’s a wife you need.” Oriel said, jokingly. As Cane bawled in laughter, the rider removed his helm to reveal a haggard old, brown eyed man. His face was kind, and his skin pale, in the odd colour humans had, but he was worn with scars, wrinkles and Cane was almost certain the man had lost one of his teeth recently. His chin wore a braid of dark-grey, growing silver hair.
Standing next to a human, Cane felt quite strange. Humans of this calibre were usually quite tall, but this man appeared to be hunched over in some way, as though his back was not what it used to be. Still, Cane was a good 6ft in height, and the rider but a head below him.
“Seriously, a wife? Really I have better things to do with my time. Plus I don’t fancy the idea much.” Cane laughed heartily.
“I was being serious. Why not? You’re a good age. You’re likeable... And what do you mean, ‘better things to do with your time’? You’re a grave digger for crying out loud! You bury people”
“I’m a bastard in case you haven’t forgotten. Its community service! And someone has to do it you know, why not me? It’s a dieing trade you know!” Cane laughed, half-heartedly. Oriel on the other hand roared with laughter.
Of a sudden, a deep voice entered their minds, low and penetrating, with a kind of radiance about it.
‘What’s the big idea? Why do I not get to join in the fun?’
Cane recognised the voice at once, for it was the voice of the golden dragon lazing on the cold earth and flattening Cane’s grass. The dragon’s name was Glaedr, or as his race would call him in other towns, Glaedr Óga, meaning ‘the young.’ The dragon and rider had first entered Cane’s life several years back, when he was nigh on a decade of age. Naturally, the rider looked the same as he did now, but the dragon had grown somewhat from that fateful day. Needless to say, the rider and the dragon had both grown fond of Cane’s company.
wolven [Profile] 2012/11/18 - 10:45:15
‘Glaedr Óga, it’s been far too long since you have graced me here. Mind your nose though, for it appears to have grown a bit, and with it your fox’s cunning’
Cane was still new to the idea of flattering a dragon on greeting, and had refrained from calling the dragon something very insulting. Thankfully, he was pleased by Cane’s greeting and puffed a big wisp of smoke from his nostrils.
‘Thank you, Cane of the blue-skin, mind your own nose as it grows sharper than it should be.’
‘Always a pleasure.’
Oriel looked at his dragon and gave a signal of his hand. The dragon yawned, displaying hiss array of sharp white weaponry, before snapping it shut, pulling himself up and walking over to them.
“So really, what brings you to my little patch? I know you said business, but what is the agenda?”
Oriel scratched his beard, twirling his braid as he considered what to tell Cane. Catching a worried glance from Cane, he shrugged and began, in a much more serious tone.
“The riders are in a bit of a mess at the minute. I’m not exactly an elder among them but I joined up very late, as you know. Queen Nasuada of Alagasia has been having trouble in Dras-leona, as a cult we thought were destroyed during its siege fifty years ago has sprung up from the ashes. Naturally, with them causing trouble and raiding certain villages and cities, she called some riders in to help. I volunteered, because I heard reports of two mysterious figures journeying far to the north and figured they might have come this way.”
“You see, Ignitia is well outside either Queen Nasuada or Queen Islanzadi’s territories, and is unknown to them. However, I have good relationships with the Krosnia up here, so with their help I could find the two figures with such an advantage.”
Cane looked down as he thought over what Oriel had said. Riverhead certainly did get a lot of strange folk coming through it, but it was only a milling village and was useless as a battle ground. But the foliage surrounding it would allow for a place to hide.
“Well then Cane, what do you say? Can you help me at all? If you did I’m sure I could repay you in some way, maybe even a good word with the Riders, after all you would be doing a service for them if you agree.”
“Before we go any farther, I need to know something. What is the severity of the situation? I mean is it a threat to anyone?”
“I’m afraid I can’t disclose that information.”
“It is very big then. I might be young, Oriel, but don’t take me for a fool.” Cane said, eying Oriel suspiciously.
The rider exchanged glances with Glaedr.
“The couple we are tracking, for we are in fact on their trail, are supposedly looking for something, something important. Whatever this thing may be, it may be a threat to the riders, and on that note, the nations of Alagasia.”
Cane looked to Glaedr.
‘You can verify this?’
‘It’s a dieing trade, Cane blue-skin, the details are too important to reveal to many people. Were it not for my rider trusting you, we shan’t have said a word about it.’
‘Have I given either of you any reason not to trust me?’
1world1name [Profile] 2012/11/18 - 10:57:55
WALL OF TEXT, BLARGH! But I bothered to read the whole thing and it was pretty good. It's good for now, but just make sure you don't screw up with the characters as you continue the story. I think of characters as a link from the reader to the story. If you mess with it or have the characters act, well, out of character, the link will be broken and your work will instantly look like an amateur's. However, considering the art, I like the design on the sword sheath as well.
pumadragon [Profile] 2012/11/18 - 21:11:31
I like how glowy the dragon is. Boy, have you been working O.O
[anon]wolven_notloggedin 2012/11/19 - 6:45:29
I know exactly what you mean, but really this is just the beginning of the story. what i did earlier i didn't really intend to go as it did. So i figured i would continue it until i could reach a point where i could retell the story from the beginning. So really if you think about it, i'm only just developing the characters. the vast majority of em' haven't even been introduced at this stage cuz... its the beginning.
Glowyness is great, isn't it. I have been working quite a bit on it actually. Cuz my formal date kept me on my feet at all times, or virtually all times, my legs got sore. imagine that! XD. but since they were sore, i set to work drawing these over the weekend. the yellowyness of it is meant to be the sunset really. but you can't see it from here.
I wanna know, what do you guys actually think of what i've done here? I'm lookin a bit of detail there with regards to characters and descriptions and stuff. know what i mean?
pumadragon [Profile] 2012/11/19 - 17:3:34
well, ok sooo, the storyline seems alright to me, there are maybe some revisions you need to make, just normal errors people make while writing. (But I'm sure you're already aware of this, errors such as putting the same word in a sentence twice without noticing) dunno, I could revise it and find all these errors if you wanted me too.
[anon]swift 2012/11/20 - 12:26:15
"Alagaesia" has an 'e' (don't know if that was a mistake,just thought I'd point that out).
Also,"dying" is spelled dying,not "dieing"